Prius: the late-90s NBA Uniform of Cars

(No, I didn’t take this picture)

Shawn Kemp looks pretty bad in this 90s NBA jersey, but he would look even WORSE in a Prius.

If Kemp had driven a Prius in the 90s, there’s a good chance he wouldn’t have had all those kids, because that is some effective (though not cheap) birth control.

The 90s were a pretty sweet decade for the NBA. Michael Jordan, Knicks teams that were actually good, the SEATTLE SONICS, and no zone defense.

But those jerseys, man, were, um, pretty hideous.

You know what else is hideous? The Prius.

In fact, it is my firmly-held belief that the Prius is the 90s NBA uniform of automobiles. Efficient, comfortable, and UGLY.

I’d post a picture of the car, but y’all already know what it looks like (plus my eyes are still sore from looking at those Cavs threads Kemp is wearing in the above picture).

My wife (who used to sell cars) sums it up like this:

“I would never fuck a man who drives a Prius.”

I, personally, don’t drive one, so score! 😁

What’s the plural word for Prius, anyway?

Priuses? Prii? How about “LAME”?

One of the most depressing memories I have is of riding in a car with my ex-girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend up in the cold Ohio winter.

It was a Prius.

Two dudes who made the same mistake with the same woman (NOT at the same time), riding together in the same abomination of a car? That’s sad.

But not as sad as if Shawn Kemp drove a Prius while wearing a 90s Cavs throwback jersey.

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