Immigrants In, Douchebags Out

I absolutely believe we should build a wall. A big, beautiful wall.

Or, I should say, walls. On the Northern and Southern borders. The lack of security at our borders has been a stain on our country for far too long, and it’s time for Congress to quit hemming and hawing (mostly hawing) and get these walls built.

No, not to keep immigrants out. Rather, to keep out people who have no business being here (aka: people who irritate the fuck out of me). Even if that means building walls then kicking them out. Who might those people be? Here’s a list:

1. David Hogg– We won’t deport his armed guards, though. They were just doing their job.

2. Dudes who go out of their way to let everyone know that they are pro-choice just so they can get inside a woman’s pants- You probably know someone like this. The kind of guy who says “I SUPPORT A WOMAN’S RIGHT TO CHOOSE!” any time he’s on Facebook, and any time a woman pays attention to him, he’s thinking “Pleeeeease choose to go down on me…”

3. Anyone who still uses the phrase “awesome sauce”- Seriously, there are people who still say this.

4. People who think Greedo fired first- Sorry, but the Constitution does not read “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of BULLSHIT.”

5. Neo-Nazis (or just any Nazi)- They’re racist assholes AND they ruined tiki torches for me!

6. Bandwagon Golden State fans- In my 30 years on this planet, I have met ONE person who was a Warriors fan before they were good.

7. People who hate dogs- Enough said.

8. Scarlett Johansson- I would keep a wax statue of her, though, because at least it would display a better range of emotion.

9. People who think the “AR” in “AR-15” stands for “Assault Rifle”- Please follow Mr. Hogg to the exit.

10. Tar Heel fans who say NC State is not a rival- Get. The. Fuck. Out. And learn how to tailgate while you’re at it.

11. Papa John- DON’T SAY THE N-WORD!

12. Politicians who claim to be pro-life, then knock up their mistresses and try to force them to get abortions- H-Y-P-O-C-R-I-T-ES.

I would take every single immigrant into the U.S. if it meant deporting these oxygen thieves.

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