When it comes to beer, I’m like Owen Wilson in the movie Starsky and Hutch. There’s one scene in particular where he (Hutch) and Ben Stiller (Starsky) are talking about which girl they’d prefer to hook up with (Carmen Electra or Amy Smart, in this case).
Starsky: “Well, I kind of have a thing for blondes…”
Hutch: “Good, cuz I’ll take anything!”
And then Hutch ends up having a threesome with both.
That’s how I roll, just substitute beer for women. I’m a fan of a good Stella Ménage Artois, if you will.
But I’m not picky, except for Natty Light (the “The Village” of beers). I’d rather receive fellatio from a snapping turtle.
Which leads me to Beer Snobs, those folks who overthink their drink.
The type of person who utters real pithy things like “Oh, you like Coors Light? I think it tastes like goat piss.”
Okay, I really don’t want to know how much experience you have with anything that shoots out of a goat’s penis.
The type of person who throws around terms like “Hefeweizen”, or “Double IPA”, VERY liberally, and expects me to gape in awe at his or her vast expanse of beer knowledge.
Well, I’m not impressed, sorry. So dial it back a couple of notches, mmmkay?
Personally, my favorite beer is Schlitz. My grandfather was an engineer at a Schlitz bottling plant back in the day, so it has a nostalgic edge for me.
That’s me, drinking a Schlitz.
Jack Nicholson once called Schlitz the “best Goddamned drink in the world…” Granted, he was in character, in an early-70s movie, but still.
Did you ever hear Nicholson say a Double IPA was the best Goddamned drink in the world? Me neither.
So take your special craft beer and drink it. Don’t talk my ear off about it. Just drink it. 🍻