Fashion and I

My wife teases me about my fashion sense. She says I don’t have one. I beg to differ.

Exhibit A:

That is NOT a clip-on! I tied it all by myself!

Exhibit B:

As Robert Mitchum once said: “How bout that?”

Okay, so both pictures are from the same event, but still.

Okay, so mom helped me coordinate the overall getup…BUT STILL.

The only reason my wife gives me a hard time about my fashion choices is because one time I wanted to go to the store in gym shorts and boots.

I wasn’t trying to impress anyone. I just wanted to go to the store. I already had a girlfriend (now wife) so I was good.

Look, I just wanted to scour the 5$ DVD bin at Walmart, okay?

But apparently you’re not supposed to wear boots with gym shorts. In public.

What she doesn’t realize is that I don’t NEED fashion advice, I just occasionally ask for a second opinion.

Exhibit C:

I was just trying to set the night on…FIYAAAAAAAAAA 🔥

I didn’t ask for a second opinion that night. I didn’t set the night on fire, either. But I also didn’t pee on my neighbor’s front door like my friend did, so whew.

But there are some things I will never ever ever ever ever wear:

1. Man-bun. My hair doesn’t grow long, it just grows out.

2. Skinny jeans. I have the thighs, but not the booty.

3. Visors. Because it’s not 2001. And because I don’t play golf.

4. Bow ties. Because I’m not John Paul Stevens. Or a frat boy at the University of Mississippi.

But gym shorts and boots will do just fine if you’re going to Walmart, mmmkay?

If you ever need fashion advice, just delete me from your Rolodex.