Carolina Hurricanes (No, not THE Carolina Hurricanes)

I just heard that Florence has become a Category 4 hurricane, and it’s still barreling toward the Carolinas.

Oh boy, there goes the bread aisle.

However, there is definitely a surplus of bagels available (they don’t get enough love when there’s a storm coming).

A hurricane name starting with the letter “F” does not bode well for us. Fran in 1996 and Floyd in 1999 caused considerable damage in North Carolina.

Oh, naming hurricanes. There’s a fun subject.

I remember when Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee said that we needed to be more inclusive when naming hurricanes. Something about hurricane names being too white, if I remember correctly.

The only thing is if we name a hurricane after a black person, you know damn well that some stuck-up white lady will call the cops when she hears it’s heading her way. 😒

“Officer, I heard on the TV that, uh, Tyrone is heading our way, and I’ve never met this, uh, Tyrone, but he doesn’t sound like the friendly sort, and uh, I don’t want my property value to go down.” 🤦‍♂️

ANYWAY, at first it was tempting to make fun of all the people who aren’t originally from here trying to Sylvester their way through a hurricane, but then I remembered a few things:

1. My wife isn’t originally from here.

2. We live in an apartment on the ground floor.

3. We don’t have a boat.

4. If anyone NOT from here sees me floating down Main Street, I’d prefer that they fish me out, rather than turn their backs on me because I made fun of them for freaking out over a hurricane.

5. All of us natives will freak out over the first half-inch of snowfall this winter, and that’s far less dangerous than a Category 5 hurricane.

So yeah, I’m taking Florence seriously.

I mean for God’s sake, this damn storm might muck up the NC State-West Virginia game coming up!

Anyone in its path, stay safe!

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