Overweight

I didn’t have any girlfriends in high school.

I was afraid of being attracted to girls who were bigger than a size 0 and that my friends would make fun of me for being a “chubby chaser.”

Gee, why didn’t I have any girlfriends in high school? 🤷‍♂️

When I was growing up, both of my parents were overweight, and I was deathly afraid of becoming overweight myself and then marrying a woman who was also overweight.

That’s one of the reasons why I joined the Cross Country team when I was in the 10th grade. I figured I could stay in shape and date size 0 honeys without worrying about becoming a “chubby chaser.”

If you looked up the word “shallow” up in the dictionary, you would have found a picture of me jerking off in my bedroom.

Then I retired from running and got, um, overweight.

It was a good learning experience. One of the things I absolutely despise now is when people act like they can’t date anyone unless he or she has the body of a figure skater.

My wife told me about a dude she saw once getting out of his truck in the parking lot. His truck had a “No Fat Chicks Allowed” sticker on the back bumper.

However, the dude looked like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.

Hypocrisy much?

I remember back when I was a door-to-door salesman I met a curvy woman.

While I was signing her up for AT&T, my sales partner snapped a picture of her with her iPhone. When we got back to the office she (my sales partner) showed the picture to my boss.

“Oh man, she’s a BBW,” my boss laughed. “You gonna hit her up?”

That BBW is now my wife. She is most certainly NOT an actual BBW.

Side note: “BBW” stands for “big beautiful woman” in the pornographic industry.

The shallowness of some people never ceases to amaze me.

I’m married. My former boss is not.

I can’t imagine why.

Wisdom comes with getting older, I know, but any time I think about how I used to be I just roll my eyes.

I’m just glad I didn’t STAY so shallow and miss the opportunity to know the woman I ended up marrying.