Cheap Thrills

“A box of white,

A box of red,

Perhaps a box of Rosaaaaaaay instead.

Fix the table in the kitchen

You and I

Face to face.”

-Scenes From NOT An Italian Restaurant (sorry, Billy Joel 😉)

My wife and I aren’t one of those let’s-blow-a-boatload-of-money-on-stuff couples.

Why splurge on an expensive bottle of wine when you could get a 5-liter box of Franzia for a cheaper price?

Or (more importantly) why splurge on a night on the town when your wife is an absolutely bangin’ cook who can throw down in the apartment kitchen for a fraction of the cost?

We both come from salt-of-the-earth backgrounds (with the exception of my Franciscan University of Steubenville education), so we don’t need fancy things to have a good time.

Our wedding cost somewhere between 3-4 grand. Her wedding dress cost a couple hundred dollars. My Hawaiian shirt cost about 15 bucks. It was an absolute blast.

We’ve got other, more important, things that we’re saving up for, like a house. Complete with a fenced-in yard so Miles and Crackers can run around without us having to chase them all over town (dogs, not kids. Who would name a kid Crackers?)

And a badass arsenal of guns. And a Jeep. And a trip to the Pro Football Hall of Fame for when Torry Holt finally gets inducted (okay, that’s just me).

Sure, we’ll enjoy a romantic (ha!) dinner at Olive Garden once in a blue moon, with several Blue Moons, but for the most part we’re stay-at-home folks.

Because, after all, a 12-pack of Blue Moon at home is cheaper than six Blue Moons out in public.

Yes, we are both aware that a lot of people don’t consider Olive Garden to be “authentic Italian food.”

And we don’t give a single, runny, peanut-filled shit 😊

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