Zach Yonk: Snake Wrestler

As a pest control technician, I encounter some less-than-savory creatures from time to time.

Sometimes it’s rats, sometimes it’s opossums, and sometimes it’s snakes.

Yesterday, I had the privilege (I guess?) of running into a Copperhead.

No no no, not Northern Democrats who supported peace with the Confederates during the Civil War, I’m talking about a Copperhead SNAKE.

Now, garden snakes and black snakes don’t bother me.

Copperheads most certainly do.

I’ve had customers ask me if there’s anything to do about Copperheads. I always say either a shovel or a gun.

I’m sorry, but those bastards bite, and they’re poisonous.

So there I was at a customer’s house due to spider complaints, so naturally I wasn’t expecting to find any snakes.

Then I entered the garage with the customer, and what do you suppose was laying just inside the garage door, stuck on a glue board?

A bloody Copperhead!

I mean, it wasn’t literally bloody, but it was definitely there.

“Is it alive?!” the customer asked.

“Nah, it’s not moving,” I replied, “I’ll get rid of it, though.”

When I picked it up, it started jerking back and forth in my hand!

“Holy bugga!” I yelled as I dropped the reptile. I almost followed that up with, “isn’t she gorgeous?!”

Too many Crocodile Hunter reruns. RIP, Steve Irwin.

“It IS alive!” the customer said in awe.

“It sure as hell is!” I said.

I felt pretty bad about it, because if it hadn’t been a Copperhead, I would’ve found a way to get it off the glue board and throw it in the woods.

Buuuuuut it was a Copperhead, so it went in the trash can.

I’ve saved birds and mice who were suffering in glue boards, but I have absolutely zero time to tangle with a Copperhead.

Sorry, animal lovers, but in the future if you would like to make a donation to my Zach-versus-Copperheads fund, I’ll be sure to do my damndest to free any snake that I find stuck in a glue board.