As a pest control technician, I encounter some less-than-savory creatures from time to time.
Sometimes it’s rats, sometimes it’s opossums, and sometimes it’s snakes.
Yesterday, I had the privilege (I guess?) of running into a Copperhead.
No no no, not Northern Democrats who supported peace with the Confederates during the Civil War, I’m talking about a Copperhead SNAKE.
Now, garden snakes and black snakes don’t bother me.
Copperheads most certainly do.
I’ve had customers ask me if there’s anything to do about Copperheads. I always say either a shovel or a gun.
I’m sorry, but those bastards bite, and they’re poisonous.
So there I was at a customer’s house due to spider complaints, so naturally I wasn’t expecting to find any snakes.
Then I entered the garage with the customer, and what do you suppose was laying just inside the garage door, stuck on a glue board?
A bloody Copperhead!
I mean, it wasn’t literally bloody, but it was definitely there.
“Is it alive?!” the customer asked.
“Nah, it’s not moving,” I replied, “I’ll get rid of it, though.”
When I picked it up, it started jerking back and forth in my hand!
“Holy bugga!” I yelled as I dropped the reptile. I almost followed that up with, “isn’t she gorgeous?!”
Too many Crocodile Hunter reruns. RIP, Steve Irwin.
“It IS alive!” the customer said in awe.
“It sure as hell is!” I said.
I felt pretty bad about it, because if it hadn’t been a Copperhead, I would’ve found a way to get it off the glue board and throw it in the woods.
Buuuuuut it was a Copperhead, so it went in the trash can.
I’ve saved birds and mice who were suffering in glue boards, but I have absolutely zero time to tangle with a Copperhead.
Sorry, animal lovers, but in the future if you would like to make a donation to my Zach-versus-Copperheads fund, I’ll be sure to do my damndest to free any snake that I find stuck in a glue board.