Three years ago today, I was a struggling door-to-door salesman cog in a pyramid scheme machine.
Okay, I shouldn’t use the word “struggling,” because that would imply that I was giving some sort of effort.
Three years ago today, I was a DEFEATED door-to-door salesman cog in a pyramid scheme machine.
My boss had sent his second-in-command to knock on doors with me, and to “coach” me on the finer points of selling AT&T Uverse. Blech.
We had been combing an apartment complex in Cary for about an hour with no luck, when we knocked on yet another door. A tired-looking woman pulled open the door and squinted at us. She was wearing a top that said “Maid of Honor,” which of course flew right over my head.
“Hey, how ya doin?” I started my shopworn pitch, “Real quick, I’m Zach and I’m here on behalf of AT&T. Has anyone talked to you about the updated line work in the area?”
She didn’t look amused. At all.
“I actually just got back from a trip, and I’m really tired,” she replied.
I was THIS close to just saying “Sorry to bother you, have a nice day,” when my partner chimed in.
“Oh, I like your shirt. Did you just come back from a wedding?”
The woman perked up, but just a little.
“Yeah, my best friend just got married and I was her Maid of Honor.”
Next thing I knew, she invited both of us in.
We got to talking, and it turns out she was from Cleveland, Ohio, which gave me an excuse to tease her because, you know, she was from Cleveland, Ohio.
We talked about basketball, and she showed my partner some pictures from the wedding she had just gotten back from.
This woman was cute, and she followed the NBA, and she had a PS3, and she liked Grand Theft Auto. I thought to myself, “Aww hell yeah, this chick is boss!”
Then I looked over at a stack of DVDs on her shelf, and noticed Magic Mike and 21 Jump Street.
“Ah shit,” I thought, “this chick is a Channing Tatum fan, and I don’t look a damn thing like him. No way she wants to get with me.”
Well, after several more minutes of conversation, the woman agreed to sign up for AT&T. It was my first sale of the day.
So after we called the office and set up an installation date, my partner and I left to go knock on more doors.
I didn’t forget the woman’s name though.
Anna Martin. Age: 31.
Not only was she cute, and liked basketball and GTA, but she was older too!
“Knock knock,” I thought to myself, “who’s there? BOOM-SHAKALAKA!”
I was going to Facebook stalk the dickens out of her that night when I got home.
Look, there’s a difference between Facebook stalking and real-life-in-person stalking. One is absolutely creepy, the other is a teeny bit less creepy.
Anyway, just under two years later, we got married on a beach in Kill Devil Hills.
I’m not an advocate of Facebook stalking, or of pyramid schemes, but this time was an exception.
And so ends my 100th blog post 😊