The New Ten Commandments

Remember the Golden Rule?

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Something like that.

Or, as my wife likes to say:

Don’t be a dick.

It’s one of the reasons I married her; she’s good with words 😉.

Seriously, you wouldn’t think that this rule would be too difficult to follow, right? It can apply to anything and everything.

If you’re at the gas station and you see a Whatchamacallit candy bar, but you don’t have enough money, what do you do?

Don’t be a dick.

If your friend is about to beat your high score in StarFox 64, and you really really really want to reset the game, what do you do?

Don’t be a dick.

If you want to have sex with a woman and she tells you no, what do you do?

You guessed it. Don’t be a dick.

I would love to go back in time to when the US Constitution was being ratified and add:

“We the People of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, say don’t be a dick.”

Or go back in time to Mt. Sinai where God gave Charlton Heston (shit, I mean Moses) the Ten Commandments and add an 11th:

“Thou shall not be a dick.”

Honestly, that’s probably what God meant with the first ten.

Maybe God should come up with another Ten Commandments for these dad-gum whipper-snappers coming up in the world today.

Instead of Mt. Sinai, He could appear at the world premier of whichever Marvel Comics movie is coming up next. Younger people love that shit, right?

1. Thou shall not eat Tide Pods.

2. Thou shall not send unsolicited dick pics.

3. Thou shall take “no” for an answer.

4. Thou shall not cook steak “well-done.”

5. Thou shall always drink liquor before beer.

6. Thou shall not take Charlton Heston’s name in vain.

7. Thou shall not accuse anyone who disagrees with thou of being a Nazi.

8. Thou shall leave room on the door for Jack (looking at you, Rose!)

9. Thou shall not be a racist.

And, obviously:

10. Thou shall not be a dick.

Have a nice weekend, y’all!

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