Bad Movie Monday: Planet of the Apes

Welcome to Bad Movie Monday, when normally I talk smack about (you guessed it) bad movies.

However, since Boo-Thang (if this is your first time visiting my blog, Boo-Thang is the my wife. It’s okay, I asked her permission first) got me one of my all-time favorite science-fiction films for Christmas this year (it came early…that’s what she sa…nvm) I decided to take a break from Bad Movie Monday so I can talk about:

Planet of the Apes


Starring: Charlton Heston, Roddy McDowall, Kim Hunter, Maurice Evans

Plot: A team of astronauts crash-lands on a planet where Apes talk and humans don’t (hence…”Planet of the Apes” 😂). A couple of Chimpanzee doctors hypothesize that apes actually evolved from humans, and the last-surviving astronaut, Taylor (Heston), joins them in a search for scientific truth.

My Reaction: Not too many movies can get away with being silly and intriguing at the same time, but Planet of the Apes pulls it off.

Plus it’s got Heston taking zero shit from anyone, be it ape (“Take your stinking paws off me you damn, dirty ape!”) or human.

He even flexes his NRA muscles years before he became that organization’s president.

Taylor: “Did you bring any weapons, guns?”

Cornelius: “The best, but we won’t need them.”

Taylor: “I’m glad to hear it. I want one anyway.”

Everything between primates and mankind (err, people-kind) is reversed, right down to the argument of evolution vs. creative design and even commonly-used phrases (“You know what they say, ‘human see, human do.'”). The result is surprisingly thought-provoking, although it comes across as a little silly (see the line I just quoted).

Hunter’s Dr. Zira and Roddy McDowall’s Dr. Cornelius surmise that apes may have actually evolved from humans, but their Orangutan superior, Dr. Zaius (Evans) accuses them of heresy (evolution vs. creative design, indeed).

I did find it interesting how the apes have a sort of hierarchy:

-Orangutans run shit

-Chimpanzees are looked down on by the Orangutans

-Gorillas enforce shit for the Orangutans

The Orangutans also have golden-blonde hair, so they’re kinda like Ape-Supremacists, I guess?

The costumes are pretty hokey, at least compared to today’s special effects. Whenever one the apes talks it looks a little bit like a foreign film poorly-dubbed in English.

Personally, I think the apes are cocky as hell, too. They go on and on about how inferior the human race is, but the only things they have to show for ape-kind are the horse-drawn wagon and some blah-looking rifles.

Not to mention that, as Dr. Cornelius says, “Flight is a scientific impossibility!”

Dr. Zira adds, “And even if it weren’t, why fly? Where would it get you?”

If aliens attack, then those apes would be screwed sideways.

My rating: 👍 👍 👍 👍

Without Charlton Heston, Planet of the Apes would get 👍 👍 👍.

But read: Charlton Heston.

Plus the story is interesting, with the twist at the end being the best in sci-fi movie history (with the lone exception being that whole “I am your father” thing).

How awesome is Planet of the Apes? It’s a movie that my wife will voluntarily watch with me😊

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