Dogs for Government

When it comes to dogs, I have a few firmly-held beliefs:

1. We don’t deserve them

I mean, have you ever seen a dog commit genocide, or intentionally infect people with syphilis or smallpox?

Plus they’re ADOWABOWL!

2. There’s no such thing as a bad dog, only dogs with terrible owners

If you were raised to fight other people, or chained to a tree in the cold, or beaten with a stick of you spoke too loudly, chances are you wouldn’t be so quick to be nice to others (just a guess).

3. There’s no such thing as an ugly dog

An old friend of mine joked that I had never seen a Pug if I believed this.

But I have, and they’re ADOWABOWL!

As a matter of fact, I think there should be dogs….in government!

There should be a law in place that decrees that in order for a politician to get elected, he or she should have to adopt a dog.

Studies have actually shown that dogs can sense whether or not a person is good or a douche nugget, so what better way to clean the crooks out of Washington than to subject them to man’s best friend?

And I mean actually adopt a pup, not buy one from a puppy mill. Puppy mill purchases should be automatic grounds for impeachment.

Forget Russian collusion, if President Trump bought a pure-bred Maltese pup from a damn mill, then I’d say IMPEACH!

You can tell a lot about a person by how he or she treats a dog. Like one popular internet meme states:

Even the Grinch has a dog, so if you don’t like dogs that says a lot about you.

(Not my original idea, unfortunately 😞)

If a politician treats a dog nicely, and takes good care of it, then I don’t care what side of the aisle he or she is on. I’ll take a Democrat who treats Fido with loving care over a Republican who keeps Fido in a crate 24/7.

If it’s found out that a politician does not take of the dog that he or she adopts, then there should be an investigation followed by possible impeachment.

Think about it; that would give orphan dogs homes and help us weed out assholes in the government.

Just imagine how ADOWABOWL (my favorite word when it comes to dogs) it would be if each member of Congress brought a dog to Capitol Hill.

It would sure make C-SPAN more entertaining.

No, this rule shouldn’t be limited to just elected officials, either. If you work for a government agency, then you should have to adopt a dog, too.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want ANYONE working for, say, CPS whose idea of taking care of Fido is a heavy chain and below-freezing temperatures.

And if there’s someone running for President, and he or she can’t even get a dog to lick them and wag its tail, then we probably don’t want that person in the Oval Office in the first place (Trump doesn’t currently have a dog, and that alone is cause for concern).

We could make it the 28th Amendment to the Constitution!

Seriously, if the American people could vote for something as stupid as Prohibition, then this Amendment should breeze right on through!

If you’re running for office, and Miles doesn’t take kindly to you, then there’s no way in Hell you’re getting MY vote.

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