C-3PO is a Slut

I have watched the original Star Wars trilogy more times than I can count, and one thing that always stuck out, in my mind, was that C-3PO suffered all sorts of abuse.

Whether it was catching flack from Han Solo in the middle of an asteroid field, or receiving a harsh “Shut up!” from Leia while under fire from a Star Destroyer, poor old 3-PO just couldn’t catch a break.

That’s not even taking into account getting roughed up by the Sand people, or obliterated on Bespin, or having his head switched with a Battle Droid on Geonosis.

I always wondered to myself:

Why does 3PO get so much shit in these movies?

He’s (okay I’m assuming gender here) articulate, polite (except towards R2-D2, sometimes), and only slightly annoying (but not at the Jar Jar Binks level of annoying, that’s for sure).

Then it occurred to me:

3PO gets the short end of the stick because…he’s a slut.

Let me explain: 3PO is the only character in the entire Star Wars saga who struts around with his bare midriff in every movie.

You know for damn sure that’s going to rub a lot of characters (especially the male characters) the wrong way.

Why do you think Han Solo is always so rude to 3PO? Obviously it’s because if Leia was to catch Solo ogling at 3PO’s revealing figure, then she would likely never sleep with him again.

And Leia, of course, resents 3PO because not only does he dress in that gold, revealing getup, but also because he has a tendency to barge in on her and Solo when they’re sharing a tender moment.

If 3PO had covered up a little more, then he certainly wouldn’t have been broken apart by attacking Sand People. They were obviously just triggered by the sight of 3PO’s seductive midriff wiring.

You know when they attacked Luke and 3PO in Episode IV, all that “Haaaaaaaaaarharharhar” dialogue they were using probably translated into:

“Look at this slut! He has it coming!”

3PO getting kicked out of the cantina in Episode IV isn’t surprising at all, because no bartender needs (or wants) a slutty droid running around.

Just imagine the stares 3PO would get from drunken, thirsty patrons just itching to get some quick tail.

3PO, as “intelligent” as he was, could have thought a little bit ahead.

All he had to do was cover up, and he wouldn’t have endured half of the abuse that he did.

Call me a slut-shamer if you want, because that’s your opinion. But I’m just being realistic.

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