Weiner’s Out

*Heads up (heh heh) this post is a bit inappropriate*

Welp, Anthony Weiner is out of the joint (Heh heh, “joint”), so I decided to buy a bottle of every 15-year-old girl’s favorite drink in honor of the occasion:

Note: I don’t KNOW that from personal experience. Boo-Thang told me.

Another note: Smirnoff Ice is quite tasty! But don’t you dare tell anyone else I said that!

Do you realize what that would do to my reputation?

Anyway, so yeah Weiner was released from prison and is now in a halfway house.

I guess that means a bunch of underage girls can only “halfway” see his dick now? 🤷‍♂️

I never understood dick pics, to be honest. I’ve never sent one, nor have I ever received one.

I used to tell a joke about them, though. It goes like this:

“I sent a dick pick to a woman the other day. Guess what? She invited me over to her place after that!…she’s gonna be pissed when she finds out I’m not black.”

Boo-Thang rolled her eyes when I told her that one.

“That’s just a myth,” she told me.

Yeah, well people think the Loch Ness Monster is a myth, too, but we all know that shit is real.

Didn’t you see the pictures?

Relax, it’s not like I go into locker rooms or bathrooms with a tape measure just to see how big African American mens’ penises are or anything.

All I’m saying is that the biggest phallus I ever saw happened to belong to an African American.

There’s the scientific method for ya.

Sorry, I got away from my original point.

Dick pics? Pretty dumb.

Dick pics to underage girls? REALLY dumb.

Not to mention wrong, illegal, and in pretty bad taste.

It’s all the weirder when you look at Weiner, too, because he looks like a cross between Pauly Shore and the dude who hosts Around the Horn on ESPN (I’m too lazy to look his name up, sue me).

What if Weiner SOUNDED like Shore?

“Heeeeeeeey what’s uh-uuuuup? Carlos Danger here, wanna see my wea-sellllllll?”

People like to make fun of Pauly, but have you ever heard any stories about him sending dick pics to underage girls?

Don’t tell me if you have.

This is the sort of thing that happens when I drink Smirnoff Ice.

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