You’re Not the Target Audience

I used to pay a lot of attention to movie reviews.

If there was a film I wanted to take out a loan to go see, I’d always read multiple reviews on it to see if it was worth my time.

Not anymore, though.

I make up my own mind now, rather than rely on the uninformed opinions of so-called “critics.”

Especially nowadays with social media, where EVERYONE is a critic.

Would you believe that someone I know actually said that he thought The Godfather was boring?

E-friggin-xcuse me? BORING?!

You’d better can that shit and put it back in the shitty opinion pantry!

We’re not talking about The Godfather Part III, here. We’re talking about tommy-guns-in-the-toll-booth, horse-head-in-the-bed original Godfather.

Of course I didn’t put too much stock in his opinion on the matter.

Why should I?

He’s not even Italian, nor is he in the mafia, and if you’re neither of these things, then chances are that a movie centered on the ITALIAN MAFIA was not made for you.

I’m part Italian, so I have much more room to discuss The Godfather than all you other Krauts, Micks, Pollocks and Commies.

What is it with people? Any critic worth a damn knows that if the movie wasn’t made for you, then keep your trap shut about it.

I’ve never been a ninja turtle, so guess what? I don’t hop on Facebook and talk about how lousy the latest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie was.

It wasn’t made for me. It was made for radioactive-chemical-soaked turtles mentored by radioactive-chemical-soaked rats.

I mean I do like pizza, but I doubt that gives me enough authority to really relate to a movie like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

And don’t even get me started on Debbie Does Dallas.

I’ve never participated in an orgy in a locker room, so I couldn’t possibly be able to relate.

There’s no way in hell that movie was intended for the likes of me.

All I’m saying is that if a movie wasn’t intended specifically for your viewing pleasure, then get off your high horse.

Because if you don’t, you’ll find its head under your bedsheets one night 😉.

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