A local man caused a scene outside of a movie theater this weekend when the woman he was with refused his sexual advances.
Jeff Lang, 25, was seen yelling at Sarah Clarke, 18, in the parking lot of the AMC Theatre in Raleigh on Sunday after watching the newly-released Captain Marvel.
Other moviegoers were visibly surprised by the interaction between Lang and Clarke.
“Man, it was crazy,” one witness (who wished to remain anonymous) said, “that dude was all like ‘why won’t you let me fuck you, bitch? I’m a nice guy!”
Wade Brown, an AMC employee who was working at the box office, was concerned.
“I was just selling tickets, minding my own business, when all of a sudden I heard a bunch of shouting. I looked up and saw this skinny dude waving his arms and shouting at some chick.”
“Honestly,” Brown continued, “I thought he was tripping on something, so I called the cops.”
Lang was escorted off the premises without further incident, but he was still visibly upset when questioned by the authorities.
“It just doesn’t make any sense,” Lang said as he puffed on his e-cigarette. “I’m a decent guy, I know how to treat women, I’m super pro-choice and I even went to the Women’s March last year.”
“I took Sarah to see Captain Marvel, the new superhero movie with that tramp Brie whatever her name is, because I’m super open-minded. And all I wanted was some pussy, but then she got all feminazi on me.”
“It’s such bullshit, I even bought condoms before I picked her up, because I’m a nice guy. And then after the movie was over I asked her to go back to my parent’s place to get busy, and the bitch said no.”
“It must’ve been that time of the month or something, but still. I was trying really hard.”
Lang has officially been banned from AMC.
“Yeah you won’t see him around here anymore,” Brown laughed. “That dude’s got some issues.”
When asked about the incident, Clarke rolled her eyes.
“He doesn’t even have his own place,” she said. “And he kept going on and on about how amazing he thought Captain Marvel was because she was a woman.”
Clarke shrugged. “It’s like he only took me to that stupid movie because he thought he was going to get some later.”
yonkaholic 