Catholic Hires Admiral Ackbar To Keep Him From Eating Meat During Lent

This is a trying time for Catholics.

It is currently the Lenten season, which began on Ash Wednesday, and an important part of Lent is not eating meat on Fridays.

But one Catholic has decided to take an unorthodox approach.

Sebastian Willis, a 40-year-old graduate student at Franciscan University of Steubenville, recently hired Admiral Ackbar, formerly of the Rebel Alliance, to follow him around until Easter Sunday.

The reason? To remind Willis not to eat meat on Fridays during Lent.

“I have such a hard time remembering to not eat meat on Fridays,” Willis said. “So I’m paying Admiral Ackbar to help keep me on the righteous path.”

Every Friday during Lent, any time Willis is about to eat meat, Ackbar grabs him and cries out “It’s a trap!”

“Hey, if it works it works.” Willis said, shrugging.

Ackbar accompanies Willis to classes, around campus, to the store, and even on dates with other students.

Sarah Shaw, a sophomore at Franciscan University, was a little confused when Willis showed up to take her out with Ackbar by his side.

“Is he even Catholic?” Shaw asked regarding Ackbar. “I don’t want some fish-looking guy creeping on us when we’re praying the rosary.”

When told of Ackbar’s purpose, Shaw rolled her eyes.

“Well, I’ll pray for them.” Shaw said.

Ackbar has been zealous in his role. He and Willis were thrown out of the Steubenville McDonald’s last Friday after being told the restaurant had run out of Filet-o-Fish sandwiches.

According to the cashier, Ackbar started shouting, “It’s a trap! It’s a trap!”, and tried to jump over the counter.

“The safety of our employees is of the utmost importance,” McDonald’s manager Jeff Rich said. “I don’t have time to deal with fish-dudes freaking out and attacking my employees.”

Despite the incident, Willis has no regrets about hiring Ackbar.

“He’s just doing what I pay him to do,” he said. “Sure, he gets carried away sometimes, but he’s just worried about the state of my soul.”

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