North Carolina Football Players Spotted Attending Class

Football season is still six months away, but the University of North Carolina football program, following the hiring of returning Head Coach Mack Brown, is already on the brink of a new era.

For example, multiple Tar Heel football players have been spotted…going to class.

Much like the infamous Loch Ness Monster, the sightings have been numerous, although not without their share of skeptics.

Count sophomore Callie Holland as a skeptic.

“Fake news,” Holland said, “not once have I seen a football player in any of my classes. I have seen them at parties, though.”

Freshman Joe Manson, on the other hand, swears that he’s seen multiple football players in his class.

“I know I’m only a freshman, but I’ve seen like, tons of football guys in my Chemistry 101 class,” Manson said. “I mean, I think they were football players. They were way bigger than me, and bl…African American, so I just assumed they played football.”

Quarterback Nathan Elliott says that no one should be surprised at the academic prowess of the football team.

“We’re students too,” Elliott said. “We’re here to get a good education. Heck, I took a Psychology course last semester, and I wrote the term paper all by myself. So I take education very seriously.”

Senior Wide Receiver Thomas Jackson agrees that things have changed in Chapel Hill.

“At first, I was pretty disappointed,” Jackson said. “The players before me didn’t have to go to class, so I thought why should I?”

“But I’ve learned since then that there’s more to life than beer bongs and losing games.”

Head Coach Brown shrugged his shoulders when asked about the reports of his players going to class.

“Most college athletes go pro in something other than sports,” Brown said, “or something like that.”

Athletic Director Bubba Cunningham claims that the football players had been attending classes all along.

“They were always going to class,” Cunningham said. “Right?”

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