Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Disrupts House Session, Blames Laser Pointer

Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) caused a stir during a House session Wednesday.

According to one of Ocasio-Cortez’s aides, she was in the middle of discussing gun control legislation when she started running around the House chambers.

“She was sitting there talking,” the aide said, “and suddenly she stops and her eyes dart down. Next thing you know she’s pawing at the chair in front of her and jumping around the room.”

“She even popped Swalwell on the back of the head. Nobody expected that.”

Ocasio-Cortez blamed the episode on a laser pointer.

“I look in front of me and there’s this red dot, this laser point,” she said. “I reached out for it and it jumps onto the floor and starts zooming around, so I just had to chase it. Next thing you know, it’s sitting on the back of Eric Swalwell’s head.”

Ocasio-Cortez apologized to Swalwell (D-CA), who had developed a rash in response.

“I’ll live,” Swalwell said, “it’s just weird because I thought the only thing I was allergic to was cats.”

Ocasio-Cortez accused the Congressional Republicans of trying to silence her.

“The Republicans are afraid of meow,” she said. “They probably hired the NRA to smuggle a laser pointer in just to distract me.”

“Isn’t it interesting how this didn’t happen until we were talking about new gun control legislation?” Ocasio-Cortez asked, as she licked her hand.

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