UNC Cornerbacks Coach Suffers Concussion, Thinks He’s Living in 1997

It was learned Saturday that a University of North Carolina football coach suffered a concussion Monday while playing video games and is convinced the year is 1997, according to his doctor.

Jay Bateman, Defensive Coordinator for the Tar Heels, said that he and cornerbacks coach Dre Bly, a former standout cornerback at UNC himself, were playing Madden on his PlayStation 4 when Bly lost his temper.

“We were playing the Chargers on Rookie mode, and Philip Rivers threw three touchdowns against us in the first quarter,” Bateman told reporters. “Well, Dre got mad because he hates losing to NC State players, and threw his controller at the chair. It bounced back and knocked him out cold.”

“I laughed my ass off for a good two minutes before I realized he was actually hurt. So I called 911.”

When Bly regained consciousness, according to Bateman and the doctor, he was more concerned about whether or not he could play in an upcoming football game.

“He asked me if he would be able to play in next Saturday’s game against NC State,” Doctor Wayne Goldblatt said. “He was going on about how this was the year the Tar Heels were finally going to win the ACC.”

“I was like Dre, it’s 2019, not 1997,” Bateman said.

Bly told reporters that he couldn’t wait to face NC State in the next game.

“I’m gonna have two interceptions and we’re gonna whoop that ass,” Bly said. “I’m gonna put (Torry) Holt on a stretcher.”

When friends told him it wasn’t actually 1997, Bly couldn’t believe it.

“Man, y’all are messing with me,” Bly said. “Mack is still the coach, isn’t he? We’re better than State, aren’t we? Backstreet’s back, all right?”

Former NC State receiver Torry Holt shook his head when told about Bly’s comments.

“I guess that would explain some of his tweets,” Holt said. “Which is weird, because I’m pretty sure Twitter didn’t exist in 1997.”

“Oh well, if he actually plans on suiting up this Fall, I’d pay money to see that.”

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