Hipster Caught Sneaking Cheap Beer Cans Into Crawl Space

A local hipster was kicked out of his house Saturday after he was caught sneaking a trash bag of empty beer cans into his crawl space.

Pearl Ives, 24, caught her boyfriend Hugh Phelus, 25, trying to hide empty cans of Steel Reserve in the crawl space of their house in Raleigh as she was taking the trash to the curb.

“I heard some rustling around back,” Ives told reporters. “I marched to the crawl space door and there he was.”

“The most disturbing thing about it was that the cans were empty. I can’t believe he would stoop so low.”

Phelus claimed that the cans weren’t his, but rather they belonged to a friend.

“You would never catch me taking a sip of that hippo urine,” Phelus said, “but a friend of mine didn’t want his wife finding out that he drank Steel Reserve, so I agreed to hide the cans for him.”

Ives, however, was not convinced.

“Oh we’re done, that’s for sure.” Ives said. “I don’t care who he hooks up with, and I don’t care how much money he makes. Steel Reserve is crossing the line.”

Phelus maintained his innocence, and said he would buy a case of Leinenkugel’s Grapefruit Shandy for Ives if she let him move back in.

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