Men Demand Equal Success for United States Men’s National Team

In response to recent calls for equal pay for the U.S. Women’s soccer team following its success in the World Cup, some men have responded by calling for equal success for the U.S. Men’s team.

Jarrett Brow, founder of Guys Play Soccer Too, or GPST, called on the United States Soccer Federation to find ways to improve the USMNT.

“It’s unbelievable,” Brow told reporters on Sunday after the U.S. Women’s team won its fourth World Cup by defeating The Netherlands 2-0. “The women get all the glory, all the fame, and what do the men get? Not a damn thing.”

“What’s better than quality? Equality, so we here at GPST demand an equal amount of success for the men’s team as to the women’s team. It’s only fair.”

Tyler Huddle, another member of GPST, explained that it wasn’t fair that the women’s team was more successful than the men’s team.

“Around the world, people laugh at American guys because we’ve never won a World Cup,” Huddle said. “Meanwhile, you got purple-haired chicks running around winning them hand over fist, and I’m tired of it.”

“We’re back-to-back World War champs, for God’s sake. It’s time we played soccer like it.”

Brow added that he hoped to organize a GPST march on Washington D.C. to highlight the issue.

“If we take our case to the government,” Brow said, “then they’ll have no choice but to get equal success for the men’s team.”

“That’ll get us XYs a couple of World Cups, no doubt.”

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