NC State to Hold Auditions For Potential NCAA Scapegoat

In response to receiving a notice of allegations Tuesday from the NCAA regarding its previous recruitment of Dennis Smith Jr., NC State is holding auditions for any schools interested in serving as a scapegoat.

NC State Athletic Director Boo Corrigan explained that the NCAA has a history of dealing harsh punishments to less-heralded programs.

“All we have to do is find a lesser-known, but talented, basketball program willing to take some of this heat,” Corrigan said.

“We’ve reached out to Cal Poly, Western Carolina, and San Jose State so far, with no success. But it’s early yet.”

Corrigan also told reporters that he would be flexible to a point regarding possible manufactured violations.

“Improper benefits, money, used cars, we’re pretty open,” Corrigan said. “No prostitutes or strippers, though. We’re not Louisville.”

Brett Wilson, former janitor for the Bond, Shoeneck & King law firm, said that the strategy was sound.

“The NCAA would like to go after the big fish,” Wilson said, “but they have to make sure it’s a fish they can actually lift into the boat.”

“So when they see a smaller fish, like Cleveland State for example, and their mouths water.”

Former ESPN8 “The Ocho” commentator Pepper Brooks admitted that it was a daring move for NC State.

“Scapegoat auditions?” Brooks asked. “It’s a bold strategy, Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off for them.”

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