In the wake of recent NCAA allegations regarding NC State’s basketball program, one Wolfpack fan hired Joey Greco to investigate the University of North Carolina athletics department Wednesday.
Greco, best known for his stint as host of the television series Cheaters, told reporters he was looking forward to the extra work.
“Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy hunting down side chicks and philanderers,” Greco said. “But I think getting in on this UNC investigation will help keep my skills sharp.”
“I’ve heard a lot of serious allegations about these so-called Tar Heels. Fake classes, an 8th grade reading level among athletes, selling shoes, that sort of thing.”
William Daskin, the Wolfpack fan who hired Greco, explained that he was impressed with Greco’s methodical approach to investigating.
“The NCAA spends years investigating athletic programs with nothing to show for it,” Daskin said. “But Joey? He gets to the bottom of a case in less than an hour.”
“I’m convinced that with Greco, we can finally gather enough evidence to nail UNC once and for all. No one will be able to look the other way with him. Plus he’s got a sweet soul patch.”
When asked how much he paid Greco for his services, Daskin wouldn’t give an exact amount.
“I didn’t know it was possible to take out a third mortgage on my house,” Daskin said, “but now I do, thanks to Joey Greco.”
Daskin added that nothing was off limits for Greco.
“He’s been instructed to keep an eye out for anything,” Daskin said. “I promised him a hefty bonus if he could find a picture of Roy Williams in a black bra with tassels, or a video of Mack Brown reading 50 Shades of Grey in his underwear in a booster meeting.”
“But most importantly, he’s been instructed to find evidence of cheating.”