NCAA Uncovers Plot to Cut Trevor Lawrence’s Hair

The NCAA announced Wednesday that it had uncovered evidence of a plot by multiple football coaches to cut Clemson sophomore quarterback Trevor Lawrence’s hair against his will.

NCAA President Mark Emmert said the scheme was unprecedented in the world of amateur athletics.

“We’ve dealt with many different scandals over the decades,” Emmert said, “but this is certainly something we’ve not seen before.”

“Football coaches teaming up to cut an opposing player’s hair? What in the Old Testament is that?”

Emmert didn’t announce which football coaches were involved, but he did tell reporters that the names of those involved would be announced in the coming weeks.

“I will say that there are some high-profile coaches that will be announced soon,” Emmert added.

Clemson Head Coach Dabo Swinney said the university would be hiring around-the-clock security for Lawrence.

“There are some things you do not mess with,” Swinney said. “You don’t mess with my NFL Sunday Ticket, you don’t mess with my Popeye’s chicken sandwich, and you do not mess with my starting quarterback’s hair.”

“No touchy.”

Despite the alleged scheme, Lawrence, the sophomore signal-caller for the Tigers, appeared to take it in stride.

“You know they’re getting desperate when they think that cutting off my hair will ruin my game,” Lawrence said.

“My hair does kick ass, though,” Lawrence added. “When we visited the White House Trump asked me for advice on how to make his hair flow like mine.”

“I’ll never divulge my secret, though.”

Clemson faces 12th-ranked Texas A&M at home Saturday at 3:30 p.m.

Aggies Head Coach Jimbo Fisher assured fans that Lawrence’s hair would be off-limits.

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