PETA Condemns NFL For Allowing the Dolphins to be Slaughtered in Week 1

In response to the Baltimore Ravens’ 59-10 victory over the Miami Dolphins Sunday, an animal rights organization issued a condemnation Monday of the National Football League for the slaughter of innocent dolphins.

Ingrid Newkirk, President of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, or PETA, slammed NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell for allowing one species of animal to commit what she called, “one-sided savagery in the name of sport”.

“It’s bad enough that they weren’t playing real football,” Newkirk said during an impromptu press conference, “but what those Ravens did to those poor Dolphins is reminiscent to what the white settlers did to the Native Americans hundreds of years ago.”

“I call on Mr. Goodell to reject this sort of one-sidedness in the name of fair play and animal harmony. Animals deserve better.”

Goodell assured animal rights activists that no animals had been harmed in Baltimore’s demolition of Miami.

“The NFL does support, nor does it condone, violence towards animals in any way,” Goodell said. “Only towards women. No actual dolphins or ravens were hurt in that game.”

Newkirk told reporters that she wasn’t satisfied with Goodell’s explanation.

“A Raven is a Seahawk is a Bengal is a Cowboy,” Newkirk said. “No animal should ever serve as a symbol for violence, sports or not.”

Goodell said that the league would look into partnering with other animal rights organizations in order to resolve their differences.

“We certainly don’t want anyone to think that we’re all okay with violence towards animals,” Goodell said. “Maybe we can change some of the team names just so everyone knows that we want to be on the right side of this.”

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