The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill announced Friday that it had expanded its football bandwagon, adding seats that had previously been removed from Kenan Memorial Stadium.
UNC Athletics Director Bubba Cunningham said that the Tar Heels’ 2-1 start, coupled with the return of legendary Head Coach Mack Brown, convinced him to create more room for newly-converted football fans.
“Not too many people expected us to be playing so well,” Cunningham told reporters, “but beating South Carolina and Miami has gotten Tar Heel Nation fired up.”
“What better way to celebrate this than to add seats to the bandwagon, so fans who weren’t into football before can now join in on the fun?”
Cunningham explained that doing so gave the school a chance to re-appropriate some of the seats that were previously removed from Kenan Stadium during its recent renovation.
“I got so tired of hearing those Dooks and Wolfpeckers ragging on us about how we took seats out of Kenan,” Cunningham said. “At least now we’re putting them to use.”
Brown said that he would welcome any new UNC football fans with open arms.
“Hell yeah, welcome aboard,” Brown said, “and buckle up because this bandwagon is rollin’, just like Limp Bizkit.”
“I mean, tickets for our game this weekend against App State are going for almost 200 dollars. That’s a lot of nachos.”
When asked about the upcoming game against Appalachian State, Brown said the team wouldn’t overlook the Mountaineers.
“They’ve got fire in their belly,” Brown explained. “Although that might just be the moonshine.”
“Still, they’ve played with a purpose since Adam Sandler threw shade at them in The Longest Yard, which was out of line if you ask me. He’s not even a real quarterback.”
The UNC-App State game is scheduled for Saturday at 3:30 p.m. in Chapel Hill.