The formerly critically-endangered Florida Panther are now as common as the Florida Panther fan, according to a joint study by the World Wide Fund for Nature and the National Hockey League.
“We’ve come a long way with our conservation efforts,” WWF spokesperson Ralph Samuels told reporters. “There were only about 20 Florida Panthers left in the wild in the 1970’s, but now that number has risen above 200.”
“Unfortunately, it appears that the Florida Panther fan is now almost as rare.”
Panthers General Manager Dale Tallon blamed the team’s 6-3 loss to the Carolina Hurricanes Tuesday for the latest downturn in the team’s fanbase.
“I mean, we kind of got slaughtered by a bunch of jerks,” Tallon said. “We haven’t won a playoff series since 1996. It’s no wonder that our fanbase has shrunk.”
“We can’t blame habitat destruction or poaching for this.”
Gerry Hellman, a long-time Miami resident, said Panthers fans were a rare sight.
“I almost hit an actual Florida Panther with my car the other night,” Hellman said. “But I ain’t never met a Florida Panthers fan.”
Tallon said the franchise was discussing strategies to grow the fan population with the eventual goal of them being as common as the Panther.
“We’ve had some ideas, such as Dollar-Natty-Light Night,” Tallon said. “Publix Crab Leg Night was another one we considered.”
“The goal is to one day have thriving populations of Florida Panthers and Florida Panthers fans coexist peacefully.”
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