Disney+ User Files Complaint Against Geppetto

A Disney+ subscriber filed a complaint with the Raleigh Police Department against renowned toy maker Geppetto Monday after watching Pinocchio on the newly-released streaming service.

Clark Wendell, a kindergarten teacher, claimed that Geppetto was exhibiting pedophile-like behavior in the film.

“Think about it,” Wendell told authorities, “an old man who lives alone with a cat and a goldfish, all of a sudden decides to make a wooden puppet who he wishes was a real boy?”

“Why does he want the puppet to be a real boy so bad? Is it because he can’t fulfill his carnal desires with just an ordinary puppet? He seems more like a Geppetto-phile to me.”

Sergeant John MacGuff held a press conference Tuesday morning in regards to the allegations.

“I know there have been reports of some inappropriate things in Disney films before,” MacGuff said. “The phallus-like castle in The Little Mermaid, the portrait of the naked woman in The Rescuers, etc.”

“But this is the first time we have received a complaint regarding Geppetto as a possible pedophile.”

MacGuff added that it would be difficult to charge Geppetto with a crime, considering that he hadn’t been heard from in almost eight decades.

“He looked pretty old in the movie,” MacGuff said. “No one knows if he’s still alive today. Besides, no accusations were ever brought forth by the child in question.”

Wendell said he was planning on putting up posters of Gepetto in some of the Raleigh neighborhoods.

“Parents around here need to know about this potential threat to our children,” Wendell said. “Pinocchio was the only boy we knew about from the movie. How do we know Geppetto wasn’t running some sort of pedophile ring with The Blue Fairy and Jeffery Epstein, who we all know isn’t really dead?”

The Blue Fairy could not be reached for comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s