In response to North Carolina’s 74-49 loss to 6th-ranked Ohio State Wednesday, Tar Heels Coach Roy Williams announced that the team would no longer be allowed to watch the Hallmark Channel.
Williams told reporters that he thought some of the players had become too distracted by Hallmark Christmas movies.
“Rumor has it that Cole (Anthony) held a Hallmark binge session Tuesday night,” Williams said. “I heard that it went on until 4 a.m.”
“So no wonder we looked like a possum’s pecker against the Buckeyes. Our boys were too busy thinking about Lacey Chabert and that Tanner girl whose Dad is Bob Saget.”
Anthony admitted that he held a movie night with some of the other players Tuesday, but said that it only lasted until 10:30 p.m.
“Sure, we watched some Hallmark,” Anthony told reporters. “I was really looking forward to catching Christmas Town, starring that hot chick from Fuller House.”
“She’s definitely not the reason we lost, though. Coach needs to lay off the Scrooge juice and enjoy the holiday season more.”
Anthony refuses to say who else attended.
“I’m no snitch,” Anthony confirmed.
Williams said any of the Heels players who are caught watching the Hallmark Channel would be subject to disciplinary action.
“I don’t care if Winnie Cooper is on the screen making out with Danny Tanner’s daughter,” Williams said. “We’ve already lost two friggin’ games this season, and both were against Big Ten programs.”
“If I catch anyone watching Christmas Town or Holiday Romance or whatever the hell else is on that channel, he’ll be doing suicides for an entire practice.”