Three Middle Eastern “Kings” Arrive in Chapel Hill, Search for Cole Anthony

Three Middle Eastern men arrived in Chapel Hill Tuesday morning to search for UNC basketball star Cole Anthony, who they claimed signaled the coming of Christ.

The men, who referred to themselves as kings to reporters, explained that they were led to Chapel Hill overnight by a bright star in the sky.

“I mean, it is Christmas Eve,” one of the men, who called himself Caspar, said. “We were told on the internet that a bright star would lead us to the Christ king, a basketball player named Cole Anthony, so we have arrived to pay our respects.”

“We’ve brought him gold, frankincense, and myrrh as well. Gifts fit for a basketball king.”

UNC Head Coach Roy Williams explained that while he appreciated the gesture, he cautioned the men against delivering the gifts.

“The last thing I need right now,” Williams told reporters, “is the NCAA coming down on my butt for one of my players receiving gifts from outside donors.”

“Those dadgum kings approached me about where Anthony was staying, but I just told them they were better off giving that stuff to charity instead.”

When he heard about the kings looking for him, Anthony said he was getting tired of being compared to Jesus Christ.

“If I was Christ, do you think I’d be out 4-6 weeks after having knee surgery?” Anthony asked. “What the hell is frankincense, anyway?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I love my fans, but I am not Jesus,” Anthony added. “I don’t mind giving them some autographs, though.”

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