UNC Now a Football School, Study Reveals

Immediately following UNC basketball’s 73-65 loss to Pittsburgh in Chapel Hill Wednesday, an independent study was released revealing that UNC is now a “football school”.

The study, conducted by members of the Facebook scientific community, claimed that since UNC had a winning football season, while simultaneously having a disappointing basketball season, it should “henceforth be recognized as a premium destination for college football talent”.

Dr. Winnifred Walker, lead researcher on the project, told reporters that the team’s results spoke for themselves.

“While it is tempting to continue to believe that UNC is a basketball school, courtesy of its seven national championships,” Walker explained, “the football team did finish with a winning record of 7-6. While the basketball team is currently only 8-7.”

“Besides, Roy Williams himself said this basketball team didn’t have much talent.”

Not all Tar Heels fans agreed with the study’s findings, however.

Merle Davis, a lifelong UNC fan, argued that the school will always be known for its basketball program.

“It’s been a tough season so far,” Davis said through tears. “But we still have seven, count them, seven national championships in basketball.”

“It’s only a matter of time before we win a football championship, though.”

Davis added, however, that if UNC dropped its next basketball game against Clemson, scheduled for Saturday, then he’d be more open to UNC being a football school.

“Clemson has never won a basketball game in Chapel Hill,” Davis explained. “So if that changes, then hell yeah we’ll be a football school.”

“Especially since we only lost to their football team by one point.”

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