Conspiracy Theorist Accuses Nerdlucks of Stealing CJ Bryce’s Talent

Photo courtesy of Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.

Following back-to-back scoreless games, NC State guard CJ Bryce was the subject of a conspiracy theory that arose Wednesday, when a man accused the Nerdlucks of stealing Bryce’s talent.

Bob Iselin, a self-proclaimed “conspiracy enthusiast”, said that Bryce’s recent performances against Georgia Tech and North Carolina made it clear that he had been sabotaged.

“If you go back and watch footage from both games,” Iselin explained to reporters, “then you will notice some tell-tale signs of Nerdluck interference.”

“He just didn’t look like himself at all. Couldn’t hit shots, couldn’t dribble, and lost me a good chunk of money, too.”

When told that Bryce had recently spent time in concussion protocol, Iselin doubled down on his accusation.

“Come on, I don’t remember anything about Bryce being in concussion protocol,” Iselin said. “They’re not telling us everything.”

The Nerdlucks, best remembered for stealing the talent of multiple NBA stars in order to transform into the formidable Monstars in the 1996 film Space Jam, could not be reached for comment due to a faulty Skype connection with Moron Mountain.

Former NBA star Charles Barkley, one of the victims of that scheme, admitted that he thought Iselin’s theory had merit.

“Bryce looked turrble those last two games,” Barkley said. “They got him like they got me.”

NC State Head Coach Kevin Keatts said he refused to believe that Bryce had been sabotaged by the Nerdlucks.

“Bryce hasn’t been back from concussion protocol long,” Keatts told reporters. “The idea that a group of aliens stole his talent as an explanation for his performance is ludicrous.”

“But if they did, at least they stole it from someone who can play. I remember one of those little punks stole Shawn Bradley’s skills in Space Jam. That was just dumb. Tall ain’t all.”

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