Man Mistakes Portland Protests for LARP Event

A Portland man was disappointed Tuesday evening after mistaking the city’s recent protests for a “live action role-play”, or LARP, event and being chased down the street by protesters.

Huey Ector, a LARP enthusiast, said he was napping when he was woken up by the sounds of fireworks and glass breaking.

“I looked out my window and saw a bunch of hooligans running around with their custom-made shields,” Ector explained to reporters, “I just thought it was a big LARP thing going on, so I grabbed my own shield and my battle axe and ran outside to join the battle.”

One of the protesters, who would only identify himself as Rupert, said he was surprised when Ector charged at him in the street.

“It was absolutely uncalled for,” Rupert said from behind his mask. “There I was just throwing bottles at someone’s window, and this dude just ran up and bopped me over the head with this foam axe of his and accused me of hoarding his rightfully-earned treasure.”

“Well I don’t like to be accused of such a nefarious act, so I popped him with my Captain America shield.”

Ector suffered only minor bruises, but admitted that he wouldn’t be going out again any time soon.

“I guess I should’ve known better,” Ector said, “when I didn’t see anyone wearing Elf ears.”

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