NC State Fan Caught in Locker Room with Flamethrower

An NC State fan was caught in the football team’s locker room Thursday in what has been described as an “attempt at arson” by local authorities.

Rich Jeeves, a self-described “true fan”, was arrested by Raleigh police after being spotted in the locker room with a flamethrower. Jeeves told police that he had no intention of hurting anyone.

“I’m a lifelong Wolfpack fan, why would I actually want to hurt any other Pack personnel?” Jeeves asked. “I was just there to burn up the black uniforms.”

“We’re the red and white from NC State, not the red and white and black. It’s ridiculous.”

Officer Joe Murdock, the arresting officer at the scene, told reporters that Jeeves was apprehended without incident. NC State Head Football Coach Dave Doeren said that Jeeves would be banned from NC State facilities.

“We can’t have people walking in with flamethrowers acting the fool,” Doeren explained. “Save that mess for Call of Duty.”

Jeeves, for his part, says he has no regrets.

“Those black uniforms look like ass,” Jeeves said. “I mean the worst kind of ass, like Brie-Larson-without-CGI ass.”

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