Democrats Call For Investigation Into “Tragic Boating Accident” Increase

Following the passing of H.R. 1808, also known as the Assault Weapons Ban of 2022, several Democrats have called for an investigation into the perceived increase in “tragic boating accidents”.

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) told reporters that she noticed an uptick in the subject on Facebook and Twitter.

“Ever since we took up this important issue,” Ocasio-Cortez said, “I’ve noticed a dramatic increase in stories about boating accidents online.”

“I’m actually kind of afraid to get on a boat now, especially if it’s a boat owned by a right-wing gun nut.”

Rep. Jerry Nadler (D-NY) called on Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg to investigate the issue further.

“Boats are, in fact, a form of transportation,” Nadler explained. “I call on Secretary Buttigieg to look into this alarming trend of tragic boating accidents.”

“Who knows how many lives can be saved by looking into this more.”

In response to Nadler’s request, Buttigieg had a theory as to the culprit of the increase.

“My immediate guess is that it has to do with the boats that are powered by gasoline,” Buttigieg said. “All it takes is one spark for the entire vessel to go up.”

“I feel that an increase in electric boat production will have a positive impact on this. Maybe Tesla can lead the way here.”

Vice President Kamala Harris had a theory of her own, which involves piracy.

“It sounds to me like it’s just an increase in pirate activity,” Harris told reporters. “Americans are getting desperate for basic needs like food, so they’re resorting to plundering each other’s boats.”

“That’s why we must pass the Inflation Reduction Bill immediately. No more pirates.”

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