Jesus Considers Pulling Support for Notre Dame Football

Following Marshall’s 26-21 football upset over 8th-ranked Notre Dame on Saturday, Jesus Christ suggested the possibility of withdrawing his support for the Fighting Irish program.

Christ told reporters that despite Notre Dame being a Catholic university, he was disappointed in the team’s performance against a non-Power 5 program.

“Look, I love everybody,” Christ explained, “I got myself nailed on a wooden cross for humanity for Pete’s sake.”

“It’s not personal, but I never imagined in a thousand years that the Fighting Irish would ever lose to the friggin’ Thundering Herd in football.”

Christ went so far as to float the possibility of not allowing the university to use his likeness in its football stadium.

“I don’t mean to be that guy,” Christ said. “However, I didn’t multiply five loaves and two fish for five thousand people just to have Notre Dame start 0-2 this season.”

“I know they haven’t won a national title since 1988, but it might be time to take my image and likeness away from them.”

Christ did admit that he has an appreciation for Notre Dame’s new head coach, Marcus Freeman.

“Dude is married and has a bunch of kids, so he’s got that part of Catholicism down pat,” Christ said. “I respect that, and I can overlook a loss to Ohio State. But losing to a football team immortalized by a Matthew McConaughey movie? That’s weak sauce.”

The Fighting Irish will host California-Berkeley next Saturday at 2:30 p.m. in South Bend.

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