Local Cannibal Refuses to Eat Vegans

Some people are just picky eaters, right? A local cannibal admitted to reporters Saturday that he refused to eat vegans, claiming that they don't taste like normal people. Craig Rawls, a lifelong Angier resident, explained that eating vegans was about the same as eating tofu or a plant-based burger. "I've always been a bit carnivorous," … Continue reading Local Cannibal Refuses to Eat Vegans

Man Fires Gun for First Time, Can’t Stop Saying “Yee Yee”

A Raleigh man changed the course of his life Thursday when he fired a gun for the first time in his life and suddenly couldn't stop saying "Yee Yee". Terry Wolf told reporters that he had invited his friend, Will Grand, to go hunting with him Thursday afternoon. "I had no idea that he had … Continue reading Man Fires Gun for First Time, Can’t Stop Saying “Yee Yee”

Biden Supports Jorgensen in Presidential Debates as Long as He Can Sniff Her Hair

Photo attributed to Gage Skidmore In a surprising move Tuesday, Democratic Presidential candidate Joe Biden announced that he would support Libertarian candidate Jo Jorgensen's inclusion in the Presidential debates as long as she would allow him to sniff her hair. Biden explained to reporters that he would enjoy having Jorgensen in the debates with him … Continue reading Biden Supports Jorgensen in Presidential Debates as Long as He Can Sniff Her Hair