Local Cannibal Refuses to Eat Vegans

Some people are just picky eaters, right? A local cannibal admitted to reporters Saturday that he refused to eat vegans, claiming that they don't taste like normal people. Craig Rawls, a lifelong Angier resident, explained that eating vegans was about the same as eating tofu or a plant-based burger. "I've always been a bit carnivorous," … Continue reading Local Cannibal Refuses to Eat Vegans

Domino’s Employee Accidentally Snitches on Ninja Turtles for Large Order during COVID-19 Pandemic

When a pizzeria receives an order for 20 pizzas, it's often assumed that the order is for a large number of people. Unless it's for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. One New York Domino's employee accidentally snitched to the authorities on the Ninja Turtles Monday evening after assuming that their 20-pizza order was for a … Continue reading Domino’s Employee Accidentally Snitches on Ninja Turtles for Large Order during COVID-19 Pandemic

President Trump Calls For General Tso’s Resignation Over China’s Role in COVID-19 Pandemic

In an unprecedented move Friday afternoon, President Donald Trump called for General Tso's resignation in response to what he perceived to be China's role in the COVID-19 outbreak. Trump told reporters that intelligence reports indicated that Tso played a pivotal role in the COVID-19 virus spreading to the United States. "The Chinese have this one … Continue reading President Trump Calls For General Tso’s Resignation Over China’s Role in COVID-19 Pandemic