Local Cannibal Refuses to Eat Vegans

Some people are just picky eaters, right? A local cannibal admitted to reporters Saturday that he refused to eat vegans, claiming that they don't taste like normal people. Craig Rawls, a lifelong Angier resident, explained that eating vegans was about the same as eating tofu or a plant-based burger. "I've always been a bit carnivorous," … Continue reading Local Cannibal Refuses to Eat Vegans

Karen Actually Apologizes to Jogger for Sticking Her Nose Into His Business

A local Karen apologized to an African American man Tuesday afternoon after sticking her nose into his business while he was jogging in her neighborhood. Karen Wentz, of Cary, North Carolina, told reporters that she was sitting on her front porch when she noticed Robert Paul, an African American jogger, striding along the sidewalk in … Continue reading Karen Actually Apologizes to Jogger for Sticking Her Nose Into His Business

NC State Football Commit Denies Plan to Declare for NBA Draft

4-star-rated high school quarterback and new NC State football commit Aaron McLaughlin denied Friday that he had any interest in declaring for the NBA Draft. McLaughlin, out of Denmark High School in Alpharetta, Georgia, assured Wolfpack fans that he had no interest in spurning NC State for any draft. "I'm very excited to run with … Continue reading NC State Football Commit Denies Plan to Declare for NBA Draft