Congressional Term Limits

Happy Election Day!

Don’t forget to vote! As long as you vote the same way I do, we’re good.

Especially if you vote twice 😉.

Don’t do that. It’s against the law.

Anyway, I think Midterm Election Day is a great time to discuss something I have felt strongly about for the last ten years:

Congressional term limits.

Why in the world do we not have them?

I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and tired of all these old fogies (on BOTH sides of the aisle), who sit on their wrinkly asses in Congress for thirty, forty, even fifty years, and change absolutely nothing.

Except for the depths of their pockets, of course.

Oh, and they make damn sure they have access to better healthcare than the rest of us commoners. Maybe that’s why so many of them live for so long.

My wife and I took a gander at some of the “affordable healthcare options” on healthcare.gov, and the best plan we could find for our family was almost 700 dollars a month…with an 8,000 dollar deductible each for my wife and I.

But do you really think anyone on Capitol Hill has the slightest worry about being able to afford healthcare?

Representatives and Senators are supposed to represent US. We the people. Of MURICA. Instead, they evolve into pseudo-noblemen (and women) who ride their high horses in Washington and only give a shit about their districts during an election year.

Just pull up a list of Representatives and Senators and their net worths. All this fuss about the top 1%? Congress IS PART OF THE TOP 1%!

Maybe if a Representative knew he or she couldn’t be in office for more than, say, six terms (two terms for Senators), then maybe he or she would be more motivated to get something done.

There’s that old ditty, and it goes:

Republicans are red

Democrats are blue

And neither one gives

A shit about you.

Zaquito Yonk for Senate, 2020

North Carolina citizens,

It is with immense excitement, and pleasure, that I announce I will be running for the United States Senate in 2020.

North Carolinians have had enough old, white, wealthy men representing them in the Senate, and I believe it is time for a young, white, middle-class man with a Spanish name to have a go at it.

You see, my birth name was Zachary, but I have since changed it to Zaquito. I did this in order to be more inclusive, because today there are many more Hispanic voters in North Carolina than there were when I was growing up.

Besides, when I was studying Spanish at Franciscan University of Steubenville, my classmates referred to me as Zaquito, so perfect fit, right?

So if ICE shows up at your door, would you feel more confident about Senator Zaquito looking out for your best interests, or Senator “Thom”?

For God’s sake, why can’t Senator Tillis spell his first name T-O-M like every other hardworking Tom in this state, anyway? If you think about it, it’s kind of insulting.

At the very least, he could change his first name to Tomas.

Anyway, I absolutely refuse to accept bribes, money, or gifts from lobbyists or special interest groups. Instead, I will be throwing my campaign at the feet of gofundme.com.

Some folks may laugh at that, but I’ve heard stories about movies that were financed by similar crowd-funding campaigns, and a political campaign is cheaper…right?

I may do the Zaquito talk, but I also do the Zaquito walk.

When I was in college I started a petition to rename the NBA team Charlotte Bobcats to Los Gatos de Bob (eventually they changed it to the Hornets. What a missed opportunity!).

Why? To be more inclusive, of course.

Also, with my extensive restaurant background, I know how to relate to working-class people of all races, even if I don’t speak particularly good Spanish.

Plus, I absolutely love North Carolina barbecue, both Eastern and Lexington styles. I heard Senator Tillis doesn’t actually like either one, and that he’s actually working on legislation to officially name MUSTARD-based barbecue the official barbecue of North Carolina!

This is NORTH Carolina, not SOUTH Carolina, Senator Tillis.

I also have zero political experience. Guess what? Donald Trump didn’t have any political experience, either. Now he’s our Commander-in-Chief.

So if you’re ready to turn the page on the Book of Tillis, look for my name on the ballot in 2020, listed as an Independent:

Zaquito T. Yonk

MURICA, y’all.