The first R-rated movie I saw in the theater was Wedding Crashers, back in 2005.
Seriously, Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson crashing weddings in order to hook up with chicks? That was cinematic cocaine for a wiry 17-year-old like me.
I saw it as a rite of passage; a boy becomes a man as he strolls into an R-rated movie without his parents.
There was only one problem.
I didn’t have a driver’s license 😕
At the time I didn’t feel the need to get one, because I had friends who would drive me places anyway, so what was the big deal?
It was a contributing factor to me getting through all four years of high school with approximately zero girlfriends.
Anyway, I couldn’t buy a ticket to an R-rated movie without one, or how else would I prove I was old enough to see the movie?!
Well let me tell ya, I was going to see Wedding Crashers, photo ID be damned.
So I got together with a group of friends and we (and by “we”, I mean the friend who actually had a driver’s license) drove to the theater.
I stood in line as my friends bought tickets, watching each of them show their licenses to the attendant.
What was I going to do?
This was no time to wilt in fear. It was a time…for desperate innovation.
I strode up to the counter.
“One for Wedding Crashers, please.”
The attendant looked up.
“And can I see your ID?”
I reached into my pocket and said “Well, I don’t have my license yet…but I do have my birth certificate, will that work?”
The attendant burst out laughing.
“Dude, here’s your ticket, you’re good.”
I looked at my friends, looked back at the attendant with a big shit-eating grin on my face, and said, “Why thank you, sir.”
I followed my friends inside.
“Did you really bring your birth certificate with you?” One of them asked.
“I most certainly did,” I replied. “What other guy would go so far as to bring his birth certificate to prove he was old enough to see Wedding Crashers?”
I told you, I was gonna see that damn movie!
I would have been more proud of myself if I could have just remembered what I did with that birth certificate…