Man Takes Dogs to Gay Conversion Therapy

A dog owner was escorted out of a therapy office after trying to sneak his dogs in with him Monday afternoon.

Floyd Fallus, 60, was seen walking his dogs, Fluff and Nutter, into Sunrise Therapy, a conversion clinic that specializes in gay conversion therapy.

“I’m at my wit’s end,” Fallus told reporters. “I saw one of my dogs humping the other on the couch this morning. They’re both boys. That means they’re gay.”

“This place helped me with my fudge-packing urges, so I figured maybe it could help my dogs, too.”

Dr. Claude Jizzelnick, head coordinator of Sunrise Therapy, said that the clinic does not currently perform gay conversion therapy on dogs, but that he hoped one day it would.

“Dogs are just as susceptible to the siren song of homosexuality as humans are,” Jizzelnick said. “I mean, why do dogs have to cross the ‘Rainbow bridge’ when they die? That’s just the gay agenda at work trying to bastardize everyday terminology.”

“I would love to perform gay conversion therapy on dogs someday,” he continued, “but there’s not enough support for it right now. The ASPCA would tan my hide.”

Fallus said he didn’t want to wait to get therapy for Fluff and Nutter.

“My boys aren’t gay ‘someday,’ they’re gay now,” Fallus said, “if Sunrise doesn’t want to save these guys from eternal Hell, then I’ll just find someone who does.”

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