Temperance Group Criticizes Pennsylvania Alcohol Ban, Says it Doesn’t go Far Enough

A temperance group in Pennsylvania criticized Democratic Governor Tom Wolf on Tuesday for the upcoming one-night ban on alcohol sales in bars and restaurants, arguing that the ban does not go far enough. Joseph T. Todeler, a member of the temperance group widely known as the Baptist Church, slammed Governor Wolf for only instituting the … Continue reading Temperance Group Criticizes Pennsylvania Alcohol Ban, Says it Doesn’t go Far Enough

Third Little Pig Accuses Rioters of Stealing Bricks

A Raleigh pig accused protesters of stealing a pallet of bricks off his property Tuesday in order to use them in riots if President Donald Trump is re-elected. The pig, who identified himself as "Third Little", told reporters he was planning to build an addition to his house with the newly-purchased bricks when he saw … Continue reading Third Little Pig Accuses Rioters of Stealing Bricks

Local Cannibal Refuses to Eat Vegans

Some people are just picky eaters, right? A local cannibal admitted to reporters Saturday that he refused to eat vegans, claiming that they don't taste like normal people. Craig Rawls, a lifelong Angier resident, explained that eating vegans was about the same as eating tofu or a plant-based burger. "I've always been a bit carnivorous," … Continue reading Local Cannibal Refuses to Eat Vegans