Doeren Threatens to Sue CPI After End Zone Security System Fails

NC State Football Coach Dave Doeren threatened to sue CPI after the end zone security system installed in Carter-Finley Stadium failed Saturday during the Wolfpack’s 41-10 loss to the North Carolina Tar Heels.

Doeren told reporters that he thought installing a CPI security system around both end zones would prevent the Tar Heels from scoring touchdowns.

“Look, these are desperate times,” Doeren explained. “We’ve had a lot of injuries this season as it is.”

“I figured if one of those Heels receivers was about to get in the end zone, then CPI would come on and be like ‘This is CPI, leave the premises now!’, and the guy would be so freaked out that he’d run out of bounds.”

“But the system went kaput, so I’ll see CPI in court.”

Jeffery Rosen, a longtime NC State fan who sat behind the end zone, said he thought that was why UNC only scored field goals in the first half.

“The Heels didn’t score any touchdowns in the first half,” Rosen explained, “and I thought I heard that CPI voice a couple of times.”

“Obviously the security system failed after that, though, because look at the final score.”

Gerald Harris, spokesperson for CPI Security, said that the company’s security systems were not designed to keep a football team from scoring touchdowns.

“It was never meant to do that,” Harris told reporters. “I apologize if Coach Doeren received that impression, but having a defense is supposed to prevent that sort of thing, not CPI.”

“Maybe he should talk to his defensive coordinator about that.”

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