UNC to Hang Banner Honoring Former Wolfpack Athletic Director

The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill announced Wednesday that it will be hanging a banner in the Dean Smith Center later this year in honor of Todd Turner, the former Athletic Director at NC State University.

UNC Athletic Director Bubba Cunningham said it was only appropriate that the school honor Turner, who acted as the Wolfpack’s Athletic Director from 1990-1996.

“He was a wonderful ambassador for the University of North Carolina,” Cunningham told reporters. “It took a lot of guts for him to go work at NC State, being a Tar Heel grad and all.”

“He deserves to have his name hanging in the rafters of the Dean Dome just as much as Michael Jordan or Lennie Rosenbluth. MJ and Lennie might have beaten the Wolfpack, but Turner destroyed the Wolfpack.”

ACC Commissioner and former UNC Athletic Director John Swofford applauded UNC’s decision to honor Turner.

“Turner was a good boy,” Swofford said. “His impact on athletes’ academics and ACC sports cannot be understated.”

“If it wasn’t for Turner, we would’ve never heard of the Les Robinson Invitational, for one thing.”

UNC Basketball Coach Roy Williams said he always appreciated Turner’s contributions to NC State.

“Todd,” Roy laughed, “is the only other dadgum fella I’ve met who hates NC State as much as I do.”

Several NC State fans were interviewed about Turner, but none of their responses were appropriate for print.

Turner could not be reached for comment, due to the writer’s tape recorder not being able to reach him atop his high horse.

2 thoughts on “UNC to Hang Banner Honoring Former Wolfpack Athletic Director

  1. That’s quality satire, BUT there are Three people who literally destroyed our program from within… Bruce Poulton, MaryAnne Fox and Larry Monteith!!! They purposely, with malice & forethought, nuked our athletic department, knowing that it would take at least 25-50 years to recover from their draconian cut/edicts that beset Les Robinson, who is a great and loyal servant to NC State… In fact, while I will never give up hope, in reality, those hateful SOBs may have destined the Pack to mediocrity forever. I have never said this about my worst enemies (even UNCheats), I hope those three POS burn in hell!

    Liked by 1 person

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